Speak with a feeling

Let me start with a quote from the book Zen of dating women:

Quote from Zen of dating women

Look at the profile of Victoriya:



Based on the photo, what she’s looking for? Hot sex, right? Wrong. The feelings. That’s true for Russian girls, that’s true for… let me generalize a little bit. For all. She is what she’s writing:


Feelings is what women live with. So, you should add emotion to your message.

You see her photo in underwear, so you may visualize her boobs swinging when you take her from behind. But she has nothing like that on her mind.

Let’s go with another workshop.

For the girl above, you may have noticed two things:


  1. She’s has feminine, sensual photos. I have no doubt you’ve noticed that. And I have no doubt you used another kind of language in your inner monologue when thinking about it, but we are here after emotions, right?
  2. She works as a director, something that presumes masculine dominance and success in career.

So let’s try. You may say:

It looks like you’re both successful in your career and feminine

This way, you did a good job. You’ve noticed something besides her physical beauty, and you’ve noticed something special about her. People like being special. We all, somewhere deep inside, feel we’re special and appreciate people who notice that.

Now let’s add a little bit emotion:

It feels like you combine your career of a director with being feminine and loved that. Hi.

Now what you did? You’ve added the feeling to your first message. My bets she gets emotionally engaged with you and wants to know you better. Well, if you weigh like Ford F-150, it lowers your chances, but still, the fact is: you did it damn well.

Or look at Alexandra. She’s fun, posing with a book of (or about) Lenin.

Alexandra with Lenin


Now let’s try:

  • “Oh, you read Lenin.” Good, you’ve not used a canned approach, and  you’ve noticed something special about herBad, it’s pretty boring.
  • “You read Lenin? Let’s start revolution together.” Congratulations, you’re funny. Funny is sexy.
  • “I love your reading list. I feel like you are the right person to start revolution together.” Thumbs up. You’re funny, you added a feeling, now her only concern should be if you’re gay.

So, try it on. I only ask you to think something your own if you write to these girls. There’s a lot to play around. For the first girl, you may notice she climbed a tree and connect to the kids feeling: “Oh you love climbing trees too? I adopt you as a sister, let’s climb together.” For the Lenin girl, you may notice… well, you’ve got the idea, right?